Forever Grateful

Friday, April 20, 2012

"Remember, there are no mistakes, only lessons. Love yourself, trust your choices, and everything is possible." - Cherie Carter-Scott
I'm typing this because grades were just released online. This blog is an avenue for me to over-share, and at the same time, encourage some readers out there who might be going through a similar situation. This is not an I'm-so-happy-I-feel-like-bragging kind of post, but a way to express my thankfulness and awe to the Most High. I checked my My.Lasalle account this evening, not really hoping for anything. Being that it is already my third year in college, I have grown accustomed to the servers crashing, students complaining, and, yes, failures.

Just to give a background, during my 1st year I was a consistent dean's lister. Back then, we were still adjusting from high school and only had floating / general ed subjects. ENGLRES (Basic Research) was probably the most difficult class we had that year. My second year grades were mediocre. It was my first time taking majors. I was no longer a dean's lister, and I told myself I would do better next term. I never had a grade lower than 2.0, so I was still in running for Latin honors, which was kind of a big thing for me. My third year started okay. It was fun and I enjoyed being one of the veterans or the more experienced people on campus. Sure, classes became even more challenging but I felt unbeatable. Eliza is someone who never fails. She's smart and responsible, an admirable student... Little did I know that I was going to get the biggest slap in the face that term. I did all I can as I soon became aware of the danger I was in (academically), but in the end, I failed not one, but two classes - which is equivalent to six units total. I don't have to share all the details, but I felt terrible. My friends and family, especially Ivan and my brother, had to deal with me crying all the time. It was the worst feeling I had in a long time. I could no longer get a Latin honor award even if my CGPA reached the minimum requirement because of those 6 units. I was no longer graduating on time because one class I failed is only offered seasonally, so I have to extend a term to take it again. It seemed like everything was going against me. I was ashamed to be in front of my friends and my parents. People who don't usually show concern would surprisingly try to make me smile and all. My seatmate tried cracking jokes, another friend hugged me in the hallway when I passed by her. Some sent encouraging text messages. It was comforting and I appreciated it, but I was still so disappointed at myself. It does not erase the fact that I was a failure.
"When a person's steps follow the LORD, God is pleased with his ways. If he stumbles, he will not fall, because the LORD holds his hand." - Psalm 37:23-24 (NCV)
Even though I felt down, I knew I couldn't stay like that for long. I still made mistakes here and there, and I even almost failed again because of tardiness, but God was faithful all throughout. Everything He created is a solution to a problem, and in my case, failing that one time became a huge wake-up call. I could not blame anyone else. I have broken my focus, and that was why I have fallen, but God is holding my hand and helps me back up. It's okay not to be perfect all of the time, and my parents would still support me no matter what. A WWJD Power Statement says, "Jesus' style was to take the value system of the world and turn it upside-down. Winning and success are highly prized in our world but God can use failure and defeat to make us more like Himself." :) I could not agree more. My mistake made stronger and strive harder. I am not proud of that really ugly mark in my transcript, but I am sure proud of my God. By faith, I handled failure well. It doesn't matter how deep you fall, but how high you bounce back!!
"Have faith in God today. He holds all the answers. He sets miracles into motion. He will begin to change things in your favor." - Joel Osteen
Back to my story: So I checked my grades. Surprisingly, My.Lasalle was working well and I was able to see them without delay. I was still lacking one grade, but I already knew what I got because we computed it earlier in class. It was already my second take that one class, so I worked extra harder. From 0.0 I got... a 4.0. ☺ Imagine the whole hallelujah chorus in the background when I computed my grade. As for my other subjects, I am really happy with them - thesis, majors, and floating classes alike. 1st honor Dean's Lister again this term - I'm back on track! I really could not get over the fact. After seeing my grades and computing my GPA, I ran to my brother's room and really cried. I think I got tears and snot all over his pillow, haha. He laughed at me and gave me a hug. After a really terrible 1st term, I ended my third term of my third year well. I'm praying for even more wisdom and guidance so I will be able to keep this up. Thank you, Lord, for your goodness and overflowing love for me. I take back what I said - I am not a failure. I may have lost a couple of times, but I definitely won the battle against myself and my own ego. Working my butt off was really worth it!

2 comments:

  1. haha astig :D 1st honor DL pa! :> mahirap talaga pagmajors na T-T hahaha kadalasan 1.0 lang ako pagmajors :)) lol. pamatay eh. Congratz uli :D hehehe galingan mo pa sa mga susunod na term! :]

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    1. Yes! Ikaw din! :D Let's make the most out of our stay in college and finally graduateee~~

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